Protect kid from grandmas nauseous criticism Life

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Dear Carolyn: My mother-in-law pats my daughters belly after cooking and says, "Thats disgusting! Look at that turn belly! How horrible!" Shes kind of joking, but ... I dont similar to it. My daughter is 1, but ... I still dont similar to it. And alternative womanlike kin have pronounced Mother-in-Laws comments had a big outcome on them. Shes in her late 70sI dont think shes going to shift much. So how do I opposite the comments, brush them off, drown her out?A town, Va.

How awful, how ingrained, how destructive. Wow.

Your job, as you know, is twofold: to strengthen your baby from the awful, inbred and destructive, and to learn her in the future to strengthen herself from it. The training might feel a prolonged approach off, but you can plant the seeds now.

While your daughter is still oblivious, set the range with Grandma, and strengthen it by smiling but intractable repetition: "I think the a pleasing belly," whilst receiving your daughter out of Grandmas arms. That tells her (1) I wouldnt confuse you or overreact; but (2) I additionally wouldnt let you contend that to my kid.

If Grandma doesnt get the summary as your daughter approaches a some-more perceptive age, afterwards state your boundary some-more clearly, again whilst stealing your kid from Grandmas arms or even from the room: "Shes undiluted the approach she is. Besides, multitude is difficult sufficient on us; we dont need oppressive difference from family." That tells your mother-in-law (1) I see you as a victim, too, of such cruelty; and (2) it stops here. And it says to your daughter: This is how to show desired ones they cant step on you.

If the comments are unrelenting, afterwards nullify your mother-in-law openly"Grandma has bizarre ideas"and discuss it her clearly, afar from your daughter, "I would conclude usually certain difference about her appearance." All visits at this point contingency additionally be firmly supervised.

And if Grandma tries to argue, "I"m only revelation her what she needs to hear," or similar, afterwards extreme movement is warranted; physique hang-ups are easy to acquire, scarcely unfit to shed, and the gateway to a little critical health problems. Her son (ideally) tells her: The disastrous physique comments stop, or the visits do.

Write to Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com.

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